Dream # 5 (circa 2009)

   I am stuck inside a burning down house and inside are a few of my friends. I found Ryan, he had inhaled a lot of smoke and now lays on the ground, just able enough to speak but not able enough to get up and move around for himself. As I approached him I noticed that just above his forehead, a large patch of hair had been shaved and looked quite bare and awkward. When I noticed this he said to me that Keely and Micaela had "taken it from him", I replied "So it looks like we'll just have to shave your whole head now!". "I know how to do it" I said, but Ryan still didn't want me to. I called to Linley who had actually only just appeared and I asked her if she would shave Ryan's head. She seemed sort of reluctant or dispirited about the whole ordeal, how I knew her to be at times. For one reason or another we just left and I carried her off into the next room which had already been abandoned, smoke and falling embers filled the room.

As I entered the room of smoke she was no longer in my arms and I was alone. I sat down at the computer where in the search bar it read:

NO--PORN--OR--VIOLENCE--HAS--EVER--BEEN--SEARCHED--FOR--HERE

I laughed at that statement whether or not it was actually true. A certainty of death had filled the air with ideas of "why not". I proceeded to look up pictures of naked people, some of them I even knew personally, and violent pictures and such. Linley enters the room at this point, swiftly and suddenly and sits on the chair with me and asks "what are you looking at?". Somehow the screen changes to results of a search less explicit, but in the search bar it still reads "PORN", I try to cover it with my hand.

Now I am outside and I am saving people from the towering blaze, the house/ building is several stories high and I must go nearer to the top than before in the elevator against wishes. As I arrive on the seventh or twenty-second floor the doors slide open and I am greeted with the thickest of smoke. Instantly I close my eyes, coughing, I feel the pain of being there so thick and harsh. Heat, billowing smoke in my lungs, I never leave that floor again. My friends waiting outside, I die inside, in here, in my dream.

Dream # 3

   It begins sitting in a line at Centrelink, as I have done many times before. Though somehow I end up in a situation where they are giving away what seems to be a lot more than usual. Being grouped together with those much less fortunate and slower to react than I, we are put into a small narrow room and sat down in little chairs, side-by-side. We are then spoken to by a person who shares the same charisma with that of an army drill sergeant, pacing back and forth, speaking loud and clear, and looking square. He tells us our options, one of which is to receive twenty and thirty grand incrementally each year that would go towards buying a house, there was no mention of a cut-off date, it sounded like an eternal amount of money. Another option he stated was that one of us could move into a house and Centrelink would give you fifty-thousand dollars which would then be put towards said house. There were a few more options mentioned, I couldn't remember them all, but I know that Mr. Drill Sergeant stated that one of us would go home with nothing. It felt similar to telling a soldier "Now some of you won't be coming back home alive".

I answered a question faster than anyone else, I don't remember what that question was, but what I do recall is that because of this I was allowed to take my pick out of all the options that were put forth to us, this suddenly felt like a game-show. My mind blocked up and I quickly spoke the only option I remembered "Fifty thousand dollars and a house!". A lucky feeling was flowing through my veins, I was the one who seemed to get the best deal. A still, yet remorseful morbid sadness filled the air, I remembered that some sad sucker got nothing when they very well might have deserved it more than me. Close-mouthed, I felt lucky that I could finally put my mother and I in a steady home where we wouldn't have to worry about money ever again.

Celebration started with me breaking the news of my luck to everyone. How I ended up with a house and fifty grand to go towards it. No-one else seemed to care or act as excited as I did, mostly they just thought of community housing. Suddenly I became so nervous with my decisions, I dreamed of houses made of chipboard, with no insulation and no electricity. I dreamed of houses with no windows or roofs, I started to wonder about the stability of the building we were about to relocate our lives to. What if a pizza box proved to be more structurally sound than the house I just condemned ourselves to? I realized, I never asked for a clear definition of what it would mean to take the route that I did, I was stuck in game show mode, so quick to react.

I have to remember, never to wander into the Centrelink Home Loan Center in my waking life.